BENTE SINGKO

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I've been meaning to do this long-ish post since way back before my 25th birthday. I wanted to evaluate what has become of my havoc life. But, since the before, during and after part of my birthday were terribly busy, I wasn't able to do it until now. Now... when I am suffering from a self-proclaimed quarantine due to excessive mucus production, headaches, sore throat and cough. Which is probably the result of being "terribly busy".



I didn't expect May to end up as busy as it did. The trip to Cambodia and Thailand was planned way ahead, the UPCAT review stint was planned way ahead as well, and the other unexpected trips were quite expected.However, I failed to anticipate the physical stresses that it would give me... thus ending up like this. Incapacitated, tired, miserable, useless... Okay, that was OA. I'm just kidding. I barely moved a muscle today and I have been indulging on making palambing to my nanay, but that's it. I'm still up and running.
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My twenty-fifth was a good great year. It was not what I expected... but it came out to be what I have always wanted. The Lord was very patient as He dealt with my bratty whims and fancies--still holding to me even when I have mercilessly tried to trash this relationship because I did not get what I wanted.  He has gracefully showed me how His will for my life is good and perfect--this life being not the original plan that I had. The Lord has lovingly made me realize that I was wrong and He was right... even to the minutest details. And for that I am forever grateful, giving back the great-ness of this year as the Lord's doing.

Celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday was... I almost forgot my birthday if it were not for a good friend reminding me that it was my birthday already in a few days. I was terribly busy remember? I came from an overseas trip (sosyal ang peg, pero cheapo lang to promise) during the first week of May and went straight to teaching Basic and Intermediate Algebra at different areas in Metro Manila. It was difficult to wake up early, ride the bus, use a chalk for teaching, and talk for 8 hours. But it did pay well ($$), hehe. Kaya no regrets, I got to listen to Nick Vujicic on my birthday so I'm good.

To be honest, I don't feel like I'm already twenty five. I feel younger... because I really don't see the difference. Or maybe, I'm just not too keen on numbers like this. Or maybe I just don't care because I'm happy with where I am now?

At twenty-five (random stuff):

  • I still want to get a Master's degree
  • I still baby talk to my cats and dogs
  • I still want to travel
  • I still have serious trust issues with the opposite sex- that I am not sure how to deal with
  • I am still fat- which I do not know how to deal with as well
  • I still get that urge to write things down especially during milestone-ish moments
  • I still don't know how to swim
  • I have never been in-love, because 
  • I am still emotionally detached- which is a problem as a good friend pointed, and a sign of being abnormal as another good friend teasingly rubs it in
  • I think I have taught myself how to be like that, thus I became really good at it, that I eventually became denser and unfeeling in the end
  • I still have this facade of invulnerability
  • And it is still through writing where I can make myself most vulnerable
  • I have collected quite a number of friends that would probably fill up a 100-seater chapel during my funeral
  • I still try to be as normal as possible
  • But I do have a lot of lame-ness in me (refer to emotional detachments above) as well
  • I can now touch-type and my hand writing still sucks
  • I find teaching worthy of a vocation, and most specially worthy of my time too
  • I like to brag to my friends in the corporate that, even if I don't have money, I have a lot of time to spare... Thus I can travel and travel and travel
  • I am still hopeful (as emotionally detached as this sounds like) that maybe someday, I'd be emotionally attached to a certain man (other than my dad and my dogs)
  • I am not sure if I have to be pressured that a lot of my friends are already getting married and some of them have kids already. 
  • I am happy and satisfied that I can do whatever I want and go wherever I wanted.
  • I am happy to be free
  • I think adulthood sucks... and I think its pretty deng complicated.. ergo I like being childish
  • I hate it when  need to play grown up... especially when I'm around my students. Well I have no choice have I? Its part of being responsible and part of keeping my job. But it sucks
  • I don't like to be the first one to tell time's up or shush kids out because its getting too noisy and stuff like that. But its a job hazard
  • I still want to change the world
  • and I still want nothing but to be happy
  • and I am still convinced that Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so, Little ones to Him belong, I am weak but He is strong.

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