TEN YEARS PASSING

Ten years has passed since I first walked the streets of campus X. As a young and ambitious 4^th year high school student, getting a coveted spot into the most prestigious university of this country was a dream that came true. I felt like I’d be one of the most successful people there is because I got into that uni. Back then, it was definitely something I was very proud of. 

However, it was then that I first realized that dreams coming true only gave me a cloud nine feeling at the start. After that, I’ll have to work hard for the journey that lies ahead.  Adjusting to university life was one of the struggles that hit me hard in the face. Being an only child, it was then that I first learned that living away from home was not easy. My dorm mates then would remember me now as “that girl who always cried in her room and denied it (despite the evidence)”.  The new faces, cultures, and places were a bit shocking and it felt like the whole world was unfolding very fast right before my eyes—it was daunting.

After a year in campus X, I have eventually adjusted. But, due to financial constraints, I had to transfer to campus Y because it was where we lived. The logistics of my schooling would be easier for my parents to handle and there would be no more crying for that girl.

The decision to transfer was one that I am not very fond of. To start with, studying in campus X was something that my 4^th year high school-self wanted so badly. However, I know that pushing that dream would take its toll to the most important people in my life. Therefore, I settled for that decision. I requested for an honourable dismissal at campus X, applied for a new course at campus Y, got accepted, and transferred. Campus Y and all its antics eventually grew on me that after several years of schooling, all I could think about was to graduate and fulfil the dreams that I have developed. It was here that I first learned to love something that I detested.

So then, I graduated, passed the board exam, and got into dream job number 1—also in campus Y. Even if I deny it to myself and to other people, I really wanted dream job number 1. It was fun, hard, challenging, and it was happy stress. Dream job number 1 felt like I was doing something heroic for this nation. However, my ideal and ill-exposed self slowly started to feel like that dream was starting to become a nightmare. So before things turned sour, I decided to let go and look for dream job number 2. Doing this move taught me that sometimes, letting go is necessary to save the love that you have left.

Dream job number 2 came shortly after several days of letting the first one go. This part of my life is for the keeps. Other than the action-packed days and party hard evenings (only during holidaysJ) of the industry that I got into, the people that I met here were awesome. Too awesome, in fact, that when one left the company…we sort of tried to follow. However, our plans did not materialize ergo leaving us job less for some time. What we/I did back then was definitely silly. Trusting someone is a good thing; but sometimes, these trusts need concrete assurances. This event was one of my biggest experiences of forgiveness and moving on.

By a silly twist of fate, a slot in dream job number 1 re-opened a day after I learned that the continuation of dream job number 2 would not materialize. And because my very proud-self did not want to be jobless for another week, I begrudgingly ate my pride. I applied (the second time), got accepted, and went back to dream job number 1 at campus Y. The first few months of being back in dream job number 1 were nightmare-ish because lessons on humility are never easy to swallow. When I was still in dream job number 2, I thought I would be someone awesome and great. But then I made a wrong turn. Realizing my mistakes and swallowing that bitter pie of pride was very hard. The One who holds my life had other plans that I did not understand and comprehend—maybe I would never do.  

Getting back to dream job number 1 introduced me to second chances; this event gave me the chance to re-learn to love something that I am not yet happy with. One good thing about learning to love is you almost always succeed. For the second time around, campus Y and all its antics grew on me and after three years of staying I am still here. Campus Y even gave me the chance to take my leave and pursue my graduate studies in campus X.

After 10 years, I have come in full circle and am back in campus X. I am currently learning to unlearn some things that I have picked up in my dream jobs and some things that I taught to my silly self. However, I am still the same person that walked these streets—maybe a little bit more confident, wiser, smarter, and heavier. Only this time, I am actually more afraid of finishing my studies than not because I know for a fact that the things that lie ahead of me now is real and more daunting than the world that I thought was unfolding too fast ten years back.            

Looking back, it seems that a decade is just a blink (or many blinks) of an eye; it was as if time just slipped through my hands. In those years I have learned that letting go and moving on is an essential skill to have, and one of my favourite lessons is that life is a just a process of learning and unlearning. These processes may or may not come in beautiful packages—but when they do arrive in crappy wrapping, having the bravery to unwrap and discover what’s inside is always always worthwhile.

Athena Lavega, 26, is an electrical engineer taking up her graduate studies in campus X and will be going back to dream job number 1 at campus Y after graduation