on hairpin turns and humdrum situations
The last five months have been a healing process of sorts. Returning from the industry was definitely an unexpected turn of events; it being so was a humbling and frustrating experience. As mentioned from my previous entries, I should have still been working my butt off the industry, trying to get on with my masters application and suffering from loneliness and bankruptcy (no boyfriend and no money). THIS WAS NOT MY ORIGINAL PLAN. I am back into teaching because the project that I was supposed to work with got delayed and the only job I know that I can get into easily is teaching.
At that time, I was angry at God for letting things happen the way that they did. It was depressing and frustrating to have to see all your beautiful plans get jumbled and mixed up. The feeling is like seeing my lego castle get ruined because some naughty kid destroyed it. It took me a long time to accept and finally get a good hold of myself to fight back and pick myself back up together.
After a much needed quiet indulgence in Galera, I am deliberately ending my "tampo" episodes to capitulate to what God wants me to do at this exact moment and place in time. I have sort of realized that it really doesn't matter what zone you are in, be it your comfort zone, a war zone, or a very uncomfortable situation, what matters is where God wants you to be. I think what happened to me was God's way of telling me that He has a different agenda with my life. Apparently, the agenda that I had in mind was not acceptable to the great and beautiful agenda that the Lord has.
Its funny actually because I had no right to be tampo with God naman; kasi everything that happened, I asked for in prayer. I did not realize it lang the first time, I was too preoccupied with the ego that got stepped on to...
example:
"I knew that I really wanted the new job (Century), and i know that I will not let anyone stop me from going there. So I prayed to God that He do whatever it takes to stop me from doing the things that He does not want me to do and bring me back to the path where he wants me to follow."--->> stop me HE DID brought me back into teaching HE DID also.
That was the hairpin turn; right now, because I'm back at LB and life here is very mellow and humdrum of sorts I am just enjoying the ride. Trying to relax more (as the richest snorkeling reflection I always have) and enjoy whatever life has to offer here. No more resumes and applications, I want to stay here for a while. I think... I'll read my books, go to places (Ilocos, Bohol, Mind Museum, Magic89.9, galera.. in four months.... not bad at all), organize parties, attend conferences, laugh more, and become my old nicer self.
I am open to possibilities and whatever God wants me to do. Bahala na po kayo ika nila. In the first place, it is God's agenda that i need to pursue anyway. Since He sort of interrupted my plans, I'm gonna let him fix it for me... :)
At that time, I was angry at God for letting things happen the way that they did. It was depressing and frustrating to have to see all your beautiful plans get jumbled and mixed up. The feeling is like seeing my lego castle get ruined because some naughty kid destroyed it. It took me a long time to accept and finally get a good hold of myself to fight back and pick myself back up together.
After a much needed quiet indulgence in Galera, I am deliberately ending my "tampo" episodes to capitulate to what God wants me to do at this exact moment and place in time. I have sort of realized that it really doesn't matter what zone you are in, be it your comfort zone, a war zone, or a very uncomfortable situation, what matters is where God wants you to be. I think what happened to me was God's way of telling me that He has a different agenda with my life. Apparently, the agenda that I had in mind was not acceptable to the great and beautiful agenda that the Lord has.
Its funny actually because I had no right to be tampo with God naman; kasi everything that happened, I asked for in prayer. I did not realize it lang the first time, I was too preoccupied with the ego that got stepped on to...
example:
"I knew that I really wanted the new job (Century), and i know that I will not let anyone stop me from going there. So I prayed to God that He do whatever it takes to stop me from doing the things that He does not want me to do and bring me back to the path where he wants me to follow."--->> stop me HE DID brought me back into teaching HE DID also.
That was the hairpin turn; right now, because I'm back at LB and life here is very mellow and humdrum of sorts I am just enjoying the ride. Trying to relax more (as the richest snorkeling reflection I always have) and enjoy whatever life has to offer here. No more resumes and applications, I want to stay here for a while. I think... I'll read my books, go to places (Ilocos, Bohol, Mind Museum, Magic89.9, galera.. in four months.... not bad at all), organize parties, attend conferences, laugh more, and become my old nicer self.
I am open to possibilities and whatever God wants me to do. Bahala na po kayo ika nila. In the first place, it is God's agenda that i need to pursue anyway. Since He sort of interrupted my plans, I'm gonna let him fix it for me... :)
'bahala na po kayo' implies two things. 1. full of trust and submission. 2.i-do-not-care-whatever-happens-at-all.
ReplyDeleteenjoy all your beach life in pinas, hard to find that when you start to have your masters abroad. honestly, i can remember how i enjoyd the fishy-near-seawater experience in denmark and hamburg after loong months..