Intentionally and Self Discipline

Two big words that I figured is something that I probably need to learn soon or die sometime later. I have been majorly procrastinating (just like right now. hahaha. but I think I need to pour these thoughts down before being able to be productive again.. hopefully) about the things that I need to do, and am most of the time blaming the recent incidents of sadness, disappointments, hurts, fatigue, trauma, and whatnot dramas for not having the drive to do anything... for letting myself fall into the dark nights of the soul and for basically self destructing at some point.

Now, I am deciding that it is time to move on.

Along with this comes the realization that it is a blessing to have people to go and spill your heart with when these dark nights come. Being able to just talk and share and just have someone to listen, never fails to give light to a dark night. And, as painful as it sometimes is.. my daily devotions is teaching me that it is also a blessing to experience the people or the events that cause you those dark nights. Because these can be fruitful and rich opportunities for learning and character building.

Just like being able to build more character in intentions and self discipline.

Intentionally

I am at this point in time where schedules and formats are gone. I think this is eventually a part of that hideous thing they call adulthood, and that grueling period called thesis writing for the graduate degree.. I think I am having trouble adjusting to it. Because it.is.so.easy to become a SLOB. I can basically stay like this -->
 for the whole day. So unless I really push myself to get up and do something productive AND related to my thesis, my day would just fly away. Which is basically what is happening to most of my days now. SUCKS!!! And I am really beating myself up for it, but even so I am still doing it. Haha! Sucks more!

So, I think this can be a lesson for me to learn how to be more intentional with the things I do? Like intentionally get up early to read scientific journals and whatnot. And intentionally start righting my codes which is very very very hard to do. T.T Anyway, without discipline my intentions would definitely go to waste. So, this lesson on intentions would always have to be intertwined with self discipline.

Self Discipline

Something that is admittedly not a strong character of yours truly. Sometimes (or most of the time), when I want it, I would do it. Like if I want to eat.. I will eat. Ergo the exceedingly voluptuous figure that needs to be trimmed down. :( And with the abundant amount of time that I have now, I am sadly and admittedly developing bad habits due to lack of self discipline. Something that really needs fixing.

In the first place one needs discipline to pursue the right intentions. Because the right intentions are not enough to get me to where I need to be. Directions will get me to where I need to be, and discipline is very important for that. I am not sure if this is the right order of things but I think  this is how it goes?

INTENTIONS>>DISCIPLINE>>DIRECTION>>GOAL

And for my game plan on how to like learn this lesson, maybe (sorry for sounding tentative, I am honestly just figuring it out now how to do this) I'd intentionally reduce my time at staying too much at home. Because home is a black hole for rest. Haha. Whatever. Maybe I'd invest in staying in coffee shops.. because I am at my most productive in these spaces. I don't know but just the smell of coffee perks me up to do what needs to be done. Can be a bit pricey.. but this is something that I definitely need to invest in. Lame lame plans. But one has to start somewhere... So here goes nothing.